Fear

It's cold in the town square this morning.  The snow is still piled high, but during the day it has been  melting away revealing the black grime that paints the square grey.  The sky is cloudless, the sun shines bright.  The lanyards clang against the flag pole buffeted by the brisk north wind.

I sit, ensconced in the warmth of the cafe, looking out the front window, thinking about the dread that has preoccupied my mind in recent months.  Perhaps fear is the root cause of my anxiety.  Fear that I am not good enough.  That I did not try hard enough.  Fear that I should have made better decisions. 

I remember a time when I felt this fear before.  I was scuba diving with a friend when I realized I was out of air.  I made my way to the surface and began to swim towards shore.  As I calculated the distance, I began to realize that I would not make it.  My head began to sink lower with every stroke as I struggled for breath.  Suddenly, my friend seeing my predicament yelled, "Drop your weight belt".  I fumbled for the latch, my head sinking below the  water.  Releasing the  belt, I popped to the surface and gasped for air.  "I didn't want to lose your belt." I said as he swam over.

"Better to lose a belt then your life" he replied.

Lord,  please show me the latch...  I  am ready to let it go.