Shaken faith?

This past weekend stands in stark contrast to my recently renewed faith.  Saturday morning, I very nearly had a physical altercation with J, and I spent the rest of the weekend in Clickerville as a result.  "J, why were you using the tool bag that I keep in my truck?" I  asked him as he sat down to breakfast.  "Sorry Dad, I needed a socket" he replied without looking up.  "But I have asked you to not to use the tools in that bag" I said.  "Whatever Dad" he replied in a tone that indicated that he could not care less.  "What the hell" I said my voice starting to rise in pitch.  "Am I not allowed to have stuff that I can call my own that you won't leave laying all over the place?".  I could feel my temper rising and and I took a deep breath to try and regain my composure.  It was no longer about the tools.  It was about J's disdain for issues that were important to me.  D was attempting to calm the situation and she was clearly becoming very anxious.  I walked out of the room to try and calm down.  I walked back in and with a controlled tone said "You know Josh, it would be nice if you could at least acknowledge..."  "Why are you always in such a pissy mood" he shouted back before I could finish.  "What are you talking about" I yelled back.  "Can't I say anything when you don't follow the house rules" I continued.  I could feel myself losing control largely because I felt like I wasn't able to tell him how I felt about him messing with my personal property.  He had open access to all my other tools, most of which he would leave scattered all over the garage and yard.  Suddenly he jumped up from his chair and coming towards me yelled "You wanna go at it?"  "Fuck you" I screamed.  "Let's go" and I quickly stepped in front of him prepared to knock him senseless.  D began to cry and plead for us to stop and that caused me to pause for a moment and I just stood there.  "Get out" I said.  "Get the fuck out of my house".  My heart was racing and my fists were clenched.  J stepped back and turned to go downstairs screaming at me as he went.

It is three days later and he has not come back yet, but I know he will.  I am not sure how I am going to deal with this.  I am tired of giving to him and getting only shit in return.  I will likely let him stay, but our relationship is seriously damaged.  I can handle everything except the physical threatening.  In some ways I am less concerned with his provocation then my response and what I might have done.  The last time I had physical altercation with him, it was a result of my decision to put him to the floor and remind him who the alpha male was.  At that point, he was out of control, lying, stealing and extremely defiant.  My only choices were to regain control of him or let the State deal with him.  I chose the former which was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made, as the son of physically abusive parents.  This time was different though...  This time my response would have been the result of anger, not a well thought out, purposeful strategy to regain control of my son.  I don't feel real good about myself right now.