I am not a fan of Thursdays. That is the day D and I visit J at the county jail. Yesterday we had a good visit although J is clearly depressed and frustrated with his situation. He was fired from his jail job working at the nursing home across the street and is back on kitchen duty inside the jail. J says that he didn’t do anything wrong. Right… It is never his fault. It is unfortunate that he lost that job because it provided him an opportunity to get out of the facility six days a week. Also, the nursing home fed him and the food was reasonably good. Now he has a really crappy job along with food barely fit for human consumption. Typical fare includes powdered eggs, powdered milk and some nasty processed meat products.
Generally I am horribly depressed after visiting J but yesterday I was mostly sad. I really don’t think that J is going to change his ways and he is now living with criminals that most likely will not inspire him to greatness. I still spent the rest of the night in Clickerville except for eating dinner (that B prepared) with the family. I am starting to feel more restless in Clickerville along with a sense that now I am just becoming lazy and using depression as an excuse for my irresponsibility. I am faced with some critical deadlines relative to my finances that will impact B’s ability to get financial aid for college. I expect I will start working on my 09 taxes this weekend.
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I guess when you're depressed, no day is a good day.
It's a bad, helpless feeling when we feel that we can't do anything to better our children's lives. But J made his own bed, and now he has to sleep in it. It's not a comforting or peaceful feeling for a parent, but while we can lead our children down the path to a good life, we can't make them actually take that journey.
I think the hardest part about life is acceptance - accepting that there are just some things in life that we cannot change or make better.
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