I have survived the holidays, but I am not optimistic about the future. Nothing brings me joy right now and I am withdrawing socially. I feel like a failure with nothing to live for. I am able to work, but that is about it. Today I went do B’s track meet and once again felt the nervous anxiety pulsating through my body feeling claustrophobic in the presence of other parents from town.
Why don’t I like myself? I am a decent enough person... I know that my sense of others disliking me is just a reflection of my own inner perception of myself. I am honest, giving and rarely talk ill about others. I spend most of my free time helping others and I never say no when asked for help. Maybe I need to go back to therapy. Maybe I still have some unresolved childhood issues. Unfortunately my insurance does not cover my last therapist so now I have to find yet another counselor and retell my story all over again. Arghhhhhh….
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