Raising B

My outlook has improved slightly since my last post.  This morning I entered B’s room at 5:45 per our usual routine to wake him.  I turned on his light and gently shook him, saying “B, it is time to get up”.  He eventually stirred, pulled back the covers and swung his size 14 feet over the side of the bed placing them on the floor.  Most days he pulls his 6’ 4” lanky frame up from the bed and we embrace in a morning hug / back slap.  This morning he turned away from me and shuffled directly towards the bathroom.  Given the events of the previous evening I was not surprised by his insolence.  “So that is how it is?” I said as he walked away from me.  He stood there quietly, unsure of what to say.  “B, you can’t just go around hurting people and not expect them to become angry”.  He still did not respond.  I turned and walked back to my room making no attempt to hide my anger and frustration. 

I went to my bathroom to shave and wash up.  When I turned off the water I could hear him sobbing again in his room.  Unlike the night before, I did not hesitate and walked into his room sitting down on the bed next to him.  “What is going on B?” I asked placing my hand on his quivering back.  He did not respond immediately so I just sat there patiently giving him the time he needed to compose himself.  “B, sometimes I am just in a bad mood and it has nothing to do with you” I said softly.  He turned over and sat up leaning against the wall.  “Dad, I am under so much pressure right now” he said.  “I am carrying three AP classes, have track practice every day and any little extra time I have is spent looking at colleges”.  “I feel like I can’t do anything right at home and I am always pissing you and Mom off” he continued.  “You have a lot on your plate” I replied.  “B, you are a great kid and I am incredibly fortunate to be your father.  I know school is challenging academically and socially.  But I also know that you can handle it.  Just do your best and you will be fine.  However, Mom and I are not going to change our expectations regarding your responsibilities around the house.  You live here and you can help out.  I have warned you repeatedly that when you ignore your responsibilities and leave a mess for me and Mom to clean up, the anger and resentment will build until it spills over and people will get hurt.  That is what happened last night.  We will get over it as will you.  You will have consequences for kicking the door.  You need to purchase a new door, than paint and install it.  We will deal with it after the holidays.”  I stood up and waited a moment looking at him.  He stood up as well and put his arms around me and I returned the hug.  “I love you B” I said.  “I love you too Dad” he replied.  “Well, let’s get our day started” I said as I turned and walked out of his room.