Tired

This morning I feel a little off. It is a cold rainy day and I have not been sleeping well. Tonight, D and I head down to PA for training sponsored by the cadet organization. D is not very involved in the group, but she is on the books and it gives us a chance to spend some time together at a nice hotel. We have Sunday to ourselves.

Lately I have been gaining weight due to a lack of exercise and too many lattes. I feel very uncomfortable when my pants start getting snug. It doesn't help when I eat a dozen cookies and a chocolate bar just before bed. I won't give up my lattes so I will have to adjust my diet and exercise more.

I have been following another blog called "Pipe Tobacco". The author appears to experience emotional issues similar to mine such as depression and melancholy. His writing often includes references to the recent passing of his mother and how much he misses her. I am saddened by his loss. It also causes me to think of my own mother and our dysfunctional family. My mother passed a few years ago but I felt little emotion when I laid her to rest. I now wonder how a son can be so disconnected from their parent. My therapists have speculated that I did not bond with my mother. She too suffered from depression and was very abusive to me and my siblings. I shall continue to write about this issue in hopes that I can learn more about my mom.