Met with Lawyers yesterday for J's defense. This completely sucks. We have a long difficult road ahead of us. Now I have to figure out where I am going to find $25,000! So much for sending my kids to college. It is amazing how much shit life can throw at you at once.
I expect I am going to be back on meds pretty quick here. I can feel what little joy I have slipping away like a receeding tide. I have to stay disciplined, get to the gym, find ways to get the electrochemical processes clicking and generating the oh-so-feel good seratonin, dopamein etc...
I am enjoying reading a new blog. A young woman from the east coast writing about her struggles, challenges, hopes and dreams. I feel a bit like a voyeur but we have exchanged a few comments and she seems particulary bright and enlightened for her age. I can't help but wonder if there really is a soul mate out there for me but then my ever-present logic kicks in and reminds me that there is no God and with no God there is no Fate. We are products of our environment and one day we will go back to the dirt from whence we came. That thought then stimulates other thoughts regarding the purpose of life. Are we really destined for the same old routine till the day we "retire"? Seems like such a waste.
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4 comments:
Hmm..
I wouldn't rule out the existence of God... Even I, who was raised by atheists, and blatantly told God didn't exist-- still try to find some light somewhere.
If at one time you were able to believe, you still should. Some of us are incapable of it.
I had more to say, here, but blog comments generally shouldn't drone on.
Hey Big Fish, thanks for leaving my first comment! Whoo, Hooo!
I would like to know what else you have to say. Feel free to eemale me at t00lmann969(at)yah00(dot)com
Replace the zero's with oh's...
There was a time in my life about 5 years ago where I really believed in the Christian dogma. I even tought in a church. However, that was a time when I also came closest to suicide. The contradiction made no sense and now I am humanist. Maybe I am going to hell because I don't believe Christ gave his life for mine... Oh well. Can't be much worse then life lately.
Funny the way you wrote that particular addy.
Does this mean you use Yahoo messenger as well? ;-)
Yep... I use the odd format so that spammers don't pick up the address. Add me to your IM buddy list if you like.
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