Take a pill?

It's a cold, gray day in the town square today.  I'm sitting inside in a seat by the window.  I look out at the people passing by on the cobblestone sidewalk and wonder if any of them are particularly happy this morning. If they are, why?  I guess we should rule out the ones that are on medication, smoked crack or just screwed the person they are having an affair with. I'm talking about people that are naturally happy.

I have a bottle full of amphetamines that I have been looking at longingly.  The medication is a couple years old, but I suspect it would still give me a pretty good buzz.  I won't take it though.  I already have one addictive problem, I don't need another. 

Yesterday D and I took A (our dog) for a walk at a large conservation area located next to the bay.  Featuring large wooded areas and rolling fields, it offers great views and hiking trails along the rocky coast.  I was pretty quiet but when we sat to take in the views, I talked about my depression.  I feel conflicted talking to D about my melancholy mood as I don't want to make her sad or anxious.  But, I need to talk to someone.  She listened patiently and I felt better as I described my persistent sadness.

Earlier in the day, we had both received an email from A's mother (our young protege) indicating that she met with A's recruiter and felt that she had to support A's desire to join the Marines as A would be 18 in June and there was little doubt she would sign up.  I replied that I was in agreement and that we should continue helping A to explore the underlying motivation that was driving her towards this incredibly bad decision.  Both D and I were feeling the reality of A's approaching enlistment date in June but neither of us wanted to talk about it.  We both feel the pain of opening our hearts only to be subjected to the impending pain of loss, the degree of which could be extreme.