I miss you J

Dear J,

Today I am sitting at the coffee shop waiting for D N but I suspect he will not be joining me. We have been meeting on Wednesday mornings but I usually send him an email to remind him and yesterday I was so busy that I did not.

I think about you often J… Sometimes I reflect on the past and some of the things we have done together. I remember when we used to drive over to the dump every Saturday when we lived in Weare. You loved going for the ride and we usually ended up dragging something home like an old tractor or lawn mower. I think about some of the sports you played such as baseball and basketball and how I used to pray so hard that you would hit the ball or make the big play. I often wish I could go back in time and get another chance at being a Dad to a young J. I would work so much harder to overcome my depression and be a better father to you. Sometimes I think that you taught me more about life than I taught you. You helped shape me into the person I am today. I work with teens now partly because of what you taught me. I am more patient, tolerant and compassionate than before you came into my life. You taught me to accept people as they are; to not judge or dismiss them because they fail to meet my expectations. To look for the inherent good in everyone and love unconditionally.

I know you are putting on a brave face right now and that it must be incredibly difficult dealing with your incarceration, even it is only county jail. I hope, with every fiber of my being, that you are really thinking about what you want to do when you get out. I don’t mean just a job and a place to live; but the kind of life you want to live. You have some difficult times ahead of you dealing with the tragedy of the accident. If you take up a cause such as a college fund for the victims girls or educating teens on driving safety, I know that it will be easier to deal with the pain and emotions associated with the accident. You know everyone around you will support you in any way possible.

Well, I guess I should go to work… I have a busy day ahead of me. I am doing a little more marketing work for a client which is a nice change from IT which has been very boring lately.

Take care J,

I love you,

Dad