Can I help you?

About three months ago I started meeting with a young woman (M) who suffers from depression and was all but house-bound at the time.  She is now working as a graphics designer for a couple of clients and has been more active in the community including volunteering at a local high school and taking a pottery class.  Her demeanor is much brighter and she appears to be doing much better.  I am not in any way trying to taking credit for her recovery, but I like to think I might have played a small part in it.  Recently I discovered that her Mom asked her Dad for a divorce.  Her Dad is not what I would call a great father, and I suspect he is not a great husband.  However, I think that when someone has 30 years invested into a family one should consider marriage counseling before pulling the plug.  This couple also has a 16 year old daughter still living at home.  M’s Dad works for one of my clients (that is how I met her) and now he is coming to me professing his love for his wife saying that he does not want a divorce.  He has further indicated that his wife will not go to marriage counseling as she is too proud.  Yesterday I met again with M (we have a business relationship as well as a personal relationship) and we had some time to talk after everyone left the meeting.  She is holding up remarkably well but she is clearly very angry at her Dad because he has all but ignored her for all of her life.  He travels extensively (40 weeks a year) and when he is home does not spend much time interacting with his family.  I listened intently and did my best to resist the urge to “fix” her problems.  In the end I advised her to find someone close to her Mom that would convince her to go see a marriage counselor.

I was struck by the familiarity of some of the stories she described about her Dad’s behavior especially around important days such as her graduation and Christmas.  I can think of many times that I was struggling with depression and anger and would behave selfishly during birthday parties or other family gatherings.  I am much better now but I know that my family must feel similar anger and resentment towards me for some of my past behavior.