Raising B

Wednesday morning, B called to tell me that he wanted to transfer from his current college to the local university that many of his friends attend.  He also told me that he was not making many friends and his new college girlfriend had allegedly gotten drunk, and slept with someone else.  I listened patiently with great empathy as he poured out his feelings.  When he finished, I told him that I would support whatever decision he made, but he should think about a few things.  Most importantly, he could not simply run away from all the problems he was dealing with at school.  If he did transfer, he would simply trade his current difficulties for new ones, as well as some old ones.  I also asked him to think about whether he was actively trying to make friends or was he simply relying on the cross country team for friendships (which was not going as well as he expected). 
When B first started high school, he hung out with a crowd of kids that were not highly motivated.  Over time, he built relationships with other kids, many of which were jocks and academics.  It was a painful process, but B persisted and now has a group of friends that are highly motivated and will likely succeed at whatever they choose to pursue.  Clearly he misses those friendships, but I reminded him that he was not in high school anymore.  He would have to make some effort to build new friendships.

He told me that he was going to talk with his coach and some friends and he would let me know what he had decided.

Yesterday I spoke with B and he told me he decided to stay and would not be transferring.  He had spoken with a high school friend who, like B, was attending a college some distance from home and was having  similar difficulties.  Unlike me (as B's father), his friend was brutally honest and said, "B, if you transfer just because you want to be with your friends, your a fucking moron".

Tomorrow we are going to B's school for parents weekend.  I can't wait to see him!