I am drained

This has been a long week and I will likely have to work tomorrow to make up for hours I missed.  I am tired, both physically and mentally and am unsure how I will get through the next few days of work.

Tuesday, my sister and I met with her therapists for a more emotional session then I had anticipated.  I expected the discussion to center around a treatment plan, but within the first few minutes of the meeting we got right into the heart of R's illness; which is the trauma she experienced as a child.  I have never thoughtfully considered her trauma in any granular detail, but my head was yanked out of the sand abruptly as I saw R for the victim that she is.  I have lived my life aware of the horror that she experienced, but I can now see that I never really moved past the denial phase and somehow I had always felt, at least subconsciously, that maybe it had never really happened.  I have talked to her every day since our meeting and she is doing surprisingly well.  Usually she regresses when she attempts to peel away the emotional scarring. 

So what does this mean in terms of my relationship with my father?  I think that somehow I have compartmentalized who he is and what he has done so that I could have a father and he could have a son.  Now, I feel like I am betraying my sister when I think about my relationship with him.  If there is a loving, caring God, he would explain to me how I can be a good brother and a good son within the constraints of this horrific situation and he would do it soon, because father's day is just around the corner and I just don't think I can be there for him.