Friday, January 2, 2009

I hate what I want...

I WANT to be in Clickerville...apparently. Today I watched five hours of the show Axe Men and a couple of movies. Axe Men is a reality show about loggers working in the Northwest. Last night a watched three movies including Poison Ivy with Drew Barrymore, Sara Gilbert and Tom Skerrit. My shrink wants me to keep track of what I watch so we can discusss what shows and movies I enjoy. He thinks this may help me to figure out how to find joy in my life again. I think it will just take the right fucking drug which is apparently not Lexapro.

I am setting a horrible example for my son... I feel like a fucking loser...

I used to WANT to go to work, do chores at home, spend time with my family and countless other things instead of watching TV. I want to change what I want. I should not want to waste my life away in Clickerville.

On the flip side, I had another meeting with the home for adolescent kids today and I will finally start working with the kids next Friday. I am excited about this opportunity and I hope it helps me find some motivation in my life. And, I made my way to work and I am at least earning some money. Although, I am watching Last Tango in Paris while I rebuild some computers.

2 comments:

itbbabyel said...

You will find your motivation again, it will sneak up when you least expect it.

Anonymous said...

Hey I'm 35 and still feel 17 so it might not wear off for a while! Sounds like you're at a crossroads but you don't really know it. I'm probably there too if I'm honest. We just moved house and threw the TV out to try and fix that problem. Now I hate what I want even more though! Life talks back to us all the time I reckon. Good luck listening in 2009.