I have a tendency to adjust my blog postings in effort to make it more appealing to the "plethora" of viewers that read it on a daily basis. Mostly I try not to whine a lot. The problem with editing my writing for the benefit of others is that I lose a therapeutic opportunity for myself. Maybe I need to whine a little more because right now I am pretty unhappy. I have been suffering from a low grade depression since forever and I just want to feel better.
While I am grateful that I am not severely depressed, I wish I did suffer a bit from mania. I rarely laugh and when I do it is never a deep hearty laugh. It is a "oh, this is where I should be laughing" laugh. While I go through the motions of various interests and responsibilities in my life, I feel deprived of the passion that would make life much more enjoyable and possibly lead to greater successes.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I don't think there is a thing wrong with a little whine. I like mine with crackers and cheese. :)
I find I edit my posts now that people actually read my blog too. I don't want to sound like I hate life. I don't really hate life. It just gets a body down sometimes.
So what do you think might help lift the clouds? What would make you really feel again? How could you inject some good old fashioned passion into yourself?
Those are questions to ponder. Heaven knows I ask myself the same often enough. My answer is in my glass. Where is yours?
Based on years of therapy and significant experimentation with drugs legal and illegal, I have come to the conclusion that I have a deficit in my production of seratonin, epenephrine or other "happy chemicals". The result is a low level depression that I cannot shake without some time of medication of which I loathe (side effects). Sometimes I succumb to severe depression and I have used medication to get back to some sense of normalcy.
Man, would I like to just take an injection of passion :-) Not sure what it will take to be come truly "happy". I expect I am destined to float just below "happy" unless I find a med with acceptable side effects.
I can understand that. I also understand not wanting to take meds.
Now that's a hand to hand thing.
It would be nice if they could come up with any med that did what it was supposed to and no more. It would be easier to take them.
That is my dilemma also: being able to vent on my blog because it's my only release, but not sounding like a consistent, whining witch.
I've decided I'm just going to write what I feel. If people don't like it, they can stop reading. I'm tired of apologizing for being myself.
Post a Comment