What a Weekend!

This weekend was quite abusive to my middle-aged body but I enjoyed every minute of it. Saturday B and I had a great day boarding at Sunapee Mountain. The conditions were good and we graduated to the intermediate trails. On our last run we both fell hard; we probably should have stopped after the previous run. Luckily we did not suffer any significant injures and we should be healed by the time wake-boarding season starts.

Saturday night I went shopping with D. We had hoped to go see a movie but we could not find one worth seeing. Instead we went in search of a new bookshelf for B.

Yesterday J and I went to an airsoft game in Fremont. The weather was perfect and we stayed the entire day. It is great spending so much time with J. Rebuilding my relationship with him was one of my most important life goals.

Legal Woes

It appears that we may have settled J's case. The DA has offered a plea that was surprisingly good. J told his lawyer that he will accept the plea offer. I am hopeful that the judge will accept the agreement and we can put an end to this nightmare. Unfortunately, I don't think J has learned much from this experience. He still does not wear his seatbelt and engages in risky behavior such as excessive speed while snowmobiling. He also has not processed his emotions relative to his responsibility for the accident. I expect J will have years of therapy ahead of him attempting to resolve feelings of guilt that will inevitably overwhelm him.

The upside to quitting the cadet group is I suddenly have more free time. I have been spending a fair amount of this time with J. Wednesday I asked him if he wanted to attend an airsoft tournament this coming weekend and he surprised me by agreeing to go. I have not played Airsoft in a while and I look forward to getting back on the field.

Boston

I am sitting in Faneuil Hall resting my very sore feet having just walked about 3 miles at a brisk pace trying to catch a train that I ultimately missed. Had I taken the most direct route instead of wondering around aimlessly trying to find the train station, I would now be seated comfortably in a coach car en route to my home. The navigation system on my Crackberry works great; but only when I have the destination address, which in this case I did not.

B resigned from the cadet group yesterday as I expected he would. He said it was not the same without me and he felt the CO would treat him unfairly. I have been rather disoriented since I left the cadet group. Working with the kids made me feel like I was part of something. Now I have this sense of loneliness that is rather depressing. I look forward to spending time with B doing other activities such as bike riding and running. But I still feel this emptiness and I am unsure how to resolve it. I also continue to feel very angry that I had to leave the unit. I don't expect these feelings will disappear anytime soon.

Moving on

The envelope sits on the front seat of my car. The memo inside reads "Effective immediately, please terminate my membership in the Young Marines". My stomach is in knots and my heart is racing. I had planned to place this envelope in the CO's mailbox, but after further consideration, decided to give it to him in person. My decision to leave the program is based on my inability to tolerate the stress and anxiety resulting from the CO's narcissistic, hypocritical, erratic and unpredictable behavior. Recently I had resigned as the XO and taken responsibility for recruit training hoping to stay with the unit while decreasing my interaction with the CO. A few weeks later, the CO is making significant decisions relative to recruit training without consulting me or the kids running the recruit training classes. This is after telling me that recruit training would be my command and he would not interfere in it. Making matters worse, these decisions directly violate unit policies implemented by the CO; another example of his hypocritical behavior.

My work with the kids meant so much to me; I am very angry and frustrated that I cannot do what I love due to one individual who is a complete and utter ass. I have thoughts of violence towards him that sometimes scare me. I will be joining another martial arts program and every bag, pad and opponent I face will represent this person who I used to call a friend.

B says he wants to stay with the program but I expect the CO will ultimately force him out. I feel like I let B down but I just cannot handle the stress and anxiety any longer. Saturday I purchased a second racing bicycle and I am hopeful that B will come to enjoy riding as much as I do.

Four Shots

Today is add-a-shot Friday at my coffee shop and I could not resist moving up to a quad-venti-no-whipped-mocha. Whooowheeee! It’s going to be a fun day today.

I get really nervous when there is little turmoil in my life. It’s like walking down an alley in a bad neighborhood wondering when someone is going to jump out at you.

The upside to a peaceful life is that it causes me to look for other ways I can help people. I contacted a veteran’s hospital and an adolescent home but no one has returned my call yet. I spent a total of five years in an adolescent home so I have a particular interest in working with troubled teens. Also, I have learned a lot about raising difficult teens from my son J. He is a great kid with a good heart but raising him was the most difficult challenges I have ever faced. I now feel compelled to use the tolerance, patience, wisdom and empathy to help other kids similar to me and J.

Up North

A friend of mine lent me his condo for the weekend. It is located up in the White Mountains surrounded by great ski areas. I brought B and one of his friends to go snowboarding. J and D were both busy and could not go. The conditions were fair and but it started raining after a few hours. We still had a good time though and had about 10 hours total on the boards.

Yesterday we received the payout check from our recent refinance. I am relieved that we will finally be able to pay off some bills.

Everything is going pretty well which makes for a boring blog. My writing is much more interesting when I am depressed or experiencing hardship in my life. I can see why creative people discontinue their medication.

Coffee is Good

There is something very comforting about visiting my favorite coffee shop. Clearly it is an indulgent habit given the cost of the "coffee", its impact on my waistline and the loss of billable time. I definitely enjoy the opportunity to update my blog; but I could do that anywhere. For whatever reason, I just feel at ease here. Today someone was sitting in my favorite chair and thankfully, left before I did. I quickly switched seats adding yet another level of pleasure to an already lovely morning.

Recently I resigned my position as XO of the cadet unit. I had grown weary of battling with, and suffering indignities from the CO. This was a very painful decision as I really enjoyed my role as XO. However, last night was my first opportunity to work with the recruits that recently joined the unit in my new role as Recruit Training Officer. I enjoyed every minute of it. Freed from the shackles of any significant responsibility and having little interaction with the CO, I was able to focus on the kids. B is a little disappointed that I don't spend as much time with him, but I will be planning some trips with the group at which I can spend more time with him.

Nothing to say

It is 8:00 PM and I am sitting in Clickerville. I just arrived home approximately 30 minutes ago. I am motivated to update my blog by the opportunity to play with my new BlackBerry. D is yakking on the phone in the living room where the TV is located so I really can't zone out on Law & Order anyway. The thing is, I really don't have much to say. Maybe the creative juices just flow better in the morning. I think I will go read my new book.

Downtown Again

It is a cold, cloudy day today; although I did enjoy driving my new car into town. It is a 2000 Toyota Celica GTS and at 25 MPG I was very happy to leave the gas guzzling Suburban at home. The Celica is a bit old but it looks brand new. It is also really fun to drive.

I picked up a couple of books and I am finally reading more. The first is Rainbow Six by Tom Clancy and I do not recall the second. I started with Tom Clancy’s and it seems good so far.

I have added meditation to my list of life goals. I know the benefits of meditating but find it difficult due to my ADD-based desire for stimulation. I have to find a way to get myself to a private, quiet area where I can listen to some relaxing music and clear my mind.

New toy

This is a first on two levels; I lost my smartphone while snowmobiling and I purchased a BlackBerry Pearl on which I am typing this update. I am also creating this posting from Clickerville instead of the coffee shop. (Although, I wonder if I am really in Clickerville if I am not actually watching TV...) The Pearl is very cool although I thought it would be difficult to use the small keyboard with two letters on each key. However, it is actually quite easy as the little device predicts what word you want with amazing accuracy. I really like the small form factor over the pocket PC device that I lost.

I just spent two hours troubleshooting Internet problems at home that I ultimately discovered were caused by J's attempt to hook up cable in his room, which is not allowed. The kids watch enough TV; they don't need it in their room. I was pretty pissed and let J know it when he walked in the door. He was visibly upset with my tongue lashing but I want him to realize how his actions affect others. However, I need to improve my delivery of criticism as he takes everything so hard.

Last night, D and I went out to a comedy show. When she called me at work to ask me if I wanted to go, I really did not want to. However, I am glad I did as we had a great time. I was slightly bothered by one gentleman in our group that kept buying more beer for his already inebriated son. I think there is something wrong when a father plies his son with liquor, especially in front of other people.