Last night was difficult. B once again failed to pick up some clothing and other items I had previously spoken to him about. I reminded him again in slightly harsher tones. Later I discovered he still had not picked up all the items. I called him down from his room and told him somewhat angrily that I was very disappointed in his behavior. I had previously threatened to take away his Xbox but I hate to punish him. Generally we can resolve issues in a more mature manner. "What do you think I should do?" I asked him. "Your backing me into a corner" I continued. He replied "you’re the Father, not me" in a belligerent voice that shocked me. We have a great relationship and he is generally very respectful. "Put your Xbox in my room" I muttered thru clenched teeth. Later I stopped him in the hall. "What is going on Brandon" I asked. He replied that nothing was wrong and walked away.
This morning I woke up 30 minutes late due to cold medicine I had taken before I went to bed. I stumbled into B's bedroom having forgotten the argument from the previous evening. "Time to get up" I said as I shook him gently. "We are running late". He stood up sleepily and we embraced in our morning hug as usual. I went back to my room to get dressed. Following I went downstairs to make breakfast. Later, as B was drinking the strawberry banana smoothie I had whipped up for him I asked "do you want to talk about last night?". He shook his head no. After I cleaned up the kitchen I grabbed my bags and walked over to J and kissed him good bye. I then walked over to B saying "good bye" but he did not reply and turned his head and walked away. I was crushed and angry. B had never treated me like this. I was walking in unfamiliar territory and unsure what I should do. I turned and started walking down the stairs. I yelled back "I just made your breakfast asshole". Then as I was lacing up my boots at the bottom of the stairs I added "thanks for ruining my day". Probably not the best response…
Yesterday my blood pressure was 143 over 90. I can't imagine what it is today.
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2 comments:
God love ya, Dirk...
I don't know how you do it, buddy...Raising children is NOT easy and words are being thrown around that really aren't meant. Brave heart, my friend...I said some VERY nasty things to my mom when I was growing up, much to my shame...and in the big picture, I didn't really meant them. But words sting NOW. They hurt almost as much as physical blows, unfortunately...
This, too, will pass...GaP
That really sucks. I always feel badly about the things I say out of anger...
I've read all of your entries today... Must say I'm intrigued.
I've dealt with severe depression... There are still days (weeks) when I find myself in that dark place...
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