B asked me again about his class ring. Since when do kids get their class rings as Sophomores? And, when did the price increase to $200? He also announced that he was not going on the class trip to Europe. That absolutely killed me. I wish I could go back to all the stupid financial decisions I have made and undo them. I will find a way to get the money for his trip.
D was up at 5:30 this morning. At 6:00 she came into the bedroom and sat down on the bed next to me with a "we have to talk" look on her face. I immediately thought "she is leaving me". The scary thing is, I was not upset. The lack of any strong emotion really bothered me. Am I so completely fucked up that the thought of my wife leaving me doesn't bother me? As it turns out, she just wanted to talk about the bills. I told her that I wanted to get us back on a budget so that we can see where the money is going. I am now thinking about selling the boat and the jeep. I don't think I can get much for either toy but it seems like a necessary sacrifice at this point. I will decide after I review the bills. J will be really, really pissed about selling the boat. We are just getting into wake boarding and all of us enjoy it immensely.
It is amazing that I am on the cusp of feeling better and I just keep getting slammed with one hardship after another. WTF, over... I just need to keep my head down and try not to think so much.
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3 comments:
Dirk...Along with depression/manic depression comes obsessive thoughts. Do you think you similarly afflicted? And as I'm sure you know, there ain't NOTHING wrong with meds...GaP
GaP,
I have never felt like I suffer from any type of obsessive thoughts but I don't completely understand what that means so I will have to look into it. In terms of meds, I would LOVE to find a med that helped me to feel better with minimal side effects. I am more bothered with meds that either don't work or create more problems then they solve.
Obsessive thoughts that make no logical sense but play upon your fears. Like, for example...(in my case...) "Are you sure you love your better half? Is he handsome enough? Wouldn't you rather be free? Are you sure this is what you want?") And I find myself questioning myself, arguing with that little demon voice...and it's like scratching poison ivy. It's not something that you can win. And thankfully, my meds work so well, (celexa) that I used to forget to take them...and it would begin to phase out of my system...and the round-robin argument with the Neurosis-Imp would continue. So I make DAMNED sure I get my daily dosage. It was my second choice of medication. Zoloft was making me a zombie...GaP
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