Seasonal Affect Disorder?

It is a cold grey day in the town square today . Coffee and a muffin at the cafe has done little to improve my melancholy disposition. 

I'm not really interested in writing these days...  I suppose that is why I must. 

D and I had a good day yesterday.  We took A for a walk on the beach and talked through the events of the past week or so.  It has become clear to me that while we may be facing some midlife hormonal issues with D, I also contribute to the caustic atmosphere with my rancorous nature.  She is simply less tolerant of my bullshit. 

I have been experiencing greater and greater loss of memory.  I have always had a problem with retrieving information from my dysfunctional brain, but now I am forgetting really basic knowledge such as friends names.  I have to focus on exercises that rebuild my broken synapses and failing hippocampus. Writing will certainly help.

Let's argue some more

It's lightly snowing in the town square today.  We have only had one storm this year and that was back in October.

D and I are in the middle of a very serious, emotionally charged argument, yet I am amazingly calm.  I am pretty frustrated with her at this point though.  I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells around her and my stomach is often in a knot.  I am not sure if we are going to survive this round.  I have not considered that possibility for a long time, but she seems unable to resolve some trust issues that are completely undeserved and I am at a loss for  how to move forward.  I am just tired of having to defend myself against her unwarranted paranoia.  If we do split up, I have no interest in being with anyone else.  I think I would be happier alone.  It is so amazing that we are suddenly at this place when we were closer then ever before.  Once again I have learned the lesson to not let myself be vulnerable.  

Resolutions? Not really...

Yesterday I embarked on what I hope will be a life changing journey.  I vowed to think positive, work harder/smarter and not let the little stuff get me down.  I made a sizable dent in my thank you cards (from my 50th birthday party a month ago) and avoided Clickerville altogether.  I am also determined to resolve my financial woes and am once again thinking big. 

A has become part of our family and spends most weekends with us and sometimes stays with us during the week.  She has had a profound impact on D and I, and we on her.  She is no longer going into the Marines but has applied to multiple colleges instead.  At my behest, she took here SAT's a second time and improved her score significantly. 

D and the boys are doing well.  D continues to lose weight and improve her appearance.  J is  working as a landscaper but unfortunately does not get paid if it doesn't snow.  B is doing well at school and maintains a relationship with his girlfriend S.