Monday, April 20, 2009
Early morning
As I reached for the phone I glanced at the clock on my bed stand. The bright red LED's displayed 3:46 AM. "Hello" I said gruffly. "Hi Dad, I am in the back of an ambulance on the way to the hospital." "What happened? Are you ok” I asked sitting bolt upright. "I don't know, my heart was racing and I couldn't breathe" J replied. "Where are they taking you" I asked. He gave me the name of the hospital and I told him we would meet him there. As I hung up the phone I could feel the onset of anxiety. What bothered me most was feeling guilty because I was pissed that I had to get up so early to deal with this. I should be more concerned about my son than my precious sleep. I guess after years of these "crises" I am becoming desensitized to them. D began to stir as I pulled my trousers on. "What's going on" she asked. "J is on the way to the hospital with a racing heart and difficulty breathing" I replied. "Should I go" she asked sleepily. I thought that was an odd question and was uncertain how to reply. "Yes" I said pulling on my shirt.
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1 comment:
I think you said it best when you said "desensitized". I think that throughout the years, we become less likely to jump at certain "situations" simply because there have been so many others that have preceded them.
It could also simply be the result of exhaustion. When our bodies and minds are over-tired, we try to trick ourselves into believing that our participation is not really necessary or that a situation is not really as bad as it seems. At least, I know that I do that a bit. It's shameful, I know.
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