Earlier this week, J and I were discussing repayment of the money that he had stolen from us. I was also pressuring him about my suspicion that he had stolen money from our friends. “The true measure of one’s character is not in the mistakes he makes, but his willingness to take responsibility for them” I said. We sat in silence for a while until he said “I will pay all the money back from my next check”. Noticing an odd inflection in his use of the word “all”, I said “including the money you took from my friends?”. He paused, took a deep breath and said “yes”.
So I should be thrilled right? He took responsibility for his actions. It is like he just hit a home run in little league isn’t it. The cold harsh truth is that he just admitted to fucking over my friends. Friends that had taken him into their house, fed him, taken him on snowmobile trips and done many great things for him.
So how do I feel about this? I am satisfied that he confessed. However, even though I have become somewhat desensitized to J’s outlandish behavior, I am embarrassed and ashamed. I never expected this from my son. I don’t steal. Period... I never have and never will. I taught my kids the same values I believe in and adhere to. It is like I have an alien for a son.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Middle-aged, married with 2 kids but feels like he's still 17... Mostly dark musings and commentary on life.
Feedjit
Followers
Favorite Blogs
About Me
- Dirk
- Like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty, came alive a few years back and now I am living life. Unlike Kevin Spacey I did not end up with a bullet in my head.
4 comments:
I think I would want to know if he would have admitted it if you hadn't pressured him into it...
What a difficult thing for you to have to deal with.
Do you see any signs of remorse from him?
I think a lot of things about this.
Number One-- I never steal. Ever. I find it to be the most immoral thing in the world. (She says, as she screws married men for fun.)
HOWEVER, I have to expand on a line you wrote: The cold harsh truth is that he just admitted to fucking over my friends. Friends that had taken him into their house, fed him, taken him on snowmobile trips and done many great things for him.
Bear in mind, David, that I am quite a lot closer to 19 than you. Hell, it was only four years ago for me, and while I may be 900 years old, I had peers just four short years ago that were NOT 900 years old, like me. They were 19.
Your line was very heart-felt and genuine. You are mortified that someone could betray another person (or persons) after they graciously accepted him into their home (and had good rapport with your family, friends...)
Truth be told, most 19 year olds do not put such things into such perspective. Most 19 year olds function on the basis of "it feels good. Me will DO!"
And while this definitely DOES NOT excuse the act of stealing, it may explain why he is not mulling over this as much as you, or why he does not feel the same anguish toward his betrayal of this family as you do.
As he is so young, and male I may add, those synapses probably have not developed the way yours have after so many years of life.
His admitting his actions and taking responsibility is a huge step in a positive direction. Also, your reaction will definitely garner a different outlook for him in the future in respect to, well, respect, and acknowledging all of those grey areas in between "wrong" and "right." He'll also think of those factors that you mentioned in the line I elaborated on. (And boy, did I elaborate! LOL)
It probably just didn't "hit him that way" this time... And I think age is the primary reason.
My two cents, whatever that's worth. :-)
Zirela - No remorse that I can see. Just real nervous when I told him that he had to go apologize to my friends in person.
Big Fish - I agree that it is good that he ultimately confessed to his crime. It shows some integrity deep down.
Although he may not show remorse, it doesn't mean he doesn't feel it. The mere act of admitting guilt suggests remorse. His admittance was not a "yeah I did it, and whatcha gonna do about it" kind of confession. Instead, it had an act of retribution attached to it by saying that he will pay all the money back. It's a great start, and positive reinforcement may be a good idea right now - remind him of how much better life is when you have a clear conscience. I'm no child psychologist (hell, my kid is only a year and a half old), but I do know about how positive lessons inspire me to be a better person.
Much more effective than consistent reprimands.
Just my humble opinion. =)
Post a Comment