Posting is healing?

Ok, who wants to read about a middle-aged Dad/Husband that is trying to find happiness without the help of medication. Maybe nobody... That's ok. I write for me. I hope that it will help me to find the elusive joy that seems to ebb and flow from my life. Getting up in the morning is hard these days. Not as tough as it has been in the past, but nevertheless difficult. I find less and less serotonin in my caffeine these days. Probably time for a purge. I feel kinda numb... Pretty stupid as life is good. I can function which is better then past battles with depression. The theme is always the same though. I lose all feelings of joy no matter what I am doing. Everything is just pure effort with little to no emotional reward. I ignore my wife and begrudgingly perform the required "Dad" activities such as Baseball. The only thing that makes me feel good is the thought of laying on the couch in front of the TV just wasting away. I guess I should consider medication again; but I just don't think it will help. I do have moments of joy, but they are fleeting and occur less and less often.