Today is slightly better

Went for a walk this morning with B. We had a nice chat. He is a litte stressed about cadets but I am confident that the CO will work with him to finish up his testing. My mood is a bit better but I am still pretty lethargic. B won his game yesterday and we took him and his friend out for pizza. Of course J came along because it was free food.

Surprised by comments

I just noticed that some people had responded to some of my posts from 2004. I never noticed it before. I never really thought that anyone would be interested in my rantings and self-pity and I was pleasantly surprised that someone did. Maybe I can get more out of this then I expected.

I know what I need to do to get the feel-good chemicals flowing. Why do I struggle with doing it? I have chosen one key objective for the time being; lose some weight. I am doing pretty well as I have been skipping my cookie, ice cream and chocolate binges for about a week now. I also have been working out regularly and even running a bit. My feet kill, but I still love the simple purity of running.

Posting is healing?

Ok, who wants to read about a middle-aged Dad/Husband that is trying to find happiness without the help of medication. Maybe nobody... That's ok. I write for me. I hope that it will help me to find the elusive joy that seems to ebb and flow from my life. Getting up in the morning is hard these days. Not as tough as it has been in the past, but nevertheless difficult. I find less and less serotonin in my caffeine these days. Probably time for a purge. I feel kinda numb... Pretty stupid as life is good. I can function which is better then past battles with depression. The theme is always the same though. I lose all feelings of joy no matter what I am doing. Everything is just pure effort with little to no emotional reward. I ignore my wife and begrudgingly perform the required "Dad" activities such as Baseball. The only thing that makes me feel good is the thought of laying on the couch in front of the TV just wasting away. I guess I should consider medication again; but I just don't think it will help. I do have moments of joy, but they are fleeting and occur less and less often.