Tough love

It is a cool fall day in the town square today. I am fairly energetic and my mood is good. This morning I walked A with D as B had to go to school early. D and I are recovering from a couple days of being annoyed with each other and it is good to get past that.

It was a sunny, summer-like day yesterday with temps approaching 80. For lunch I treated myself to a delicious sandwich and coffee sitting out in the square basking in the sun.

J has been asked to leave the house he is currently living in. He came to my house yesterday asking me to cosign a lease but I declined to do so. He is not working and has no means to pay for an apartment. I asked him again about the military or a volunteer group such as Peace Corps but he said he was not interested. Now he says that because I will not cosign, he will be living on the street. I will stand by the sidelines for now and see how things pan out.

Time to fly on his own

Letter to my neighbors…

I am writing to inform you of a situation in our neighborhood involving J. I apologize for not being more specific about, and taking responsibility for, the events in question, but for legal reasons I cannot comment on the guilt or innocence of my son. J was arrested and charged with burglary for entering (without the owner’s permission) a house located on our street. Because of this, I recommend that you secure your house and any outbuildings when you are away from home. D and I are completely mortified and very, very sorry that you would be made to feel uncomfortable as a result of the alleged actions of my son. We also apologize for not contacting you earlier about this situation, but we were under the impression that someone on our street had already alerted all the residents living on the street.

On July 1st, D and I told J that he could no longer live in our house. He is also not allowed to come to our house unless we are home. If you see J on our street and we are not home, please call me or D.

Please do not hesitate to contact D or myself with any questions. However, please understand that for legal reasons, we are limited in what we can say. Once the legal issues have run their course we will do everything in our power to address any concerns you may have related to anything that J may have done.

A fathers anguish

Last week I brought my son to the police station so he could be processed for an outstanding arrest warrant. He was charged with burglary (a felony) for walking into my neighbor’s house looking for money. The neighbor happened to be home, but their vehicle was in for repairs so J thought they were out. He also has not come close to completing his 100 hours of community service and his lawyer tells me that in July when they review his case, he will likely be sent to jail for the remaining 11.5 months of his suspended sentence resulting from his accident. I don't think I can do much more for him. In fact, if he doesn’t follow the house rules I will be forced to boot him from the house.

Who's fault is it?

My neighbor left a message on my cell phone the other day. "Dirk, please call me ASAP. I need to talk to you about an urgent issue." I knew then that his call had something to do with J. When I called him later he was really pissed. “Your son broke into our house today surprising my wife who was sleeping. When she asked him what he was doing there he said he needed an egg. Are you out of eggs at your house?” he asked. My heart was in my throat at that point and I replied “No… I don't think so.” “So what the fuck was J doing in my house?” he asked. I could sense the restraint in his voice; probably more than I would have had in a similar situation. "He was looking for money” I said glumly. He had asked me to borrow the truck that morning to help a friend move and I had told him that it was low on gas and he would need to get at least a few gallons. He said he had the money. Apparently he had hoped that my friend would have the money. There was a pause as the harsh reality of the situation set into my friends mind. “From me?” he said incredulously. “After everything I have done for him?” There was less restraint in his words as he wrestled with a multitude of emotions. I know that feeling of violation when Josh has entered our bedroom rifling through our belongings looking for money. My friends feeling of violation must be an order or magnitude greater then what I experienced. “I am sorry” I said rubbing my hand across my face. “Dude, it is not your fault” he replied. But I knew it was. I have failed as a Father. My son is a thief, a liar and probably on the road to a life of crime.

Early morning

As I reached for the phone I glanced at the clock on my bed stand. The bright red LED's displayed 3:46 AM. "Hello" I said gruffly. "Hi Dad, I am in the back of an ambulance on the way to the hospital." "What happened? Are you ok” I asked sitting bolt upright. "I don't know, my heart was racing and I couldn't breathe" J replied. "Where are they taking you" I asked. He gave me the name of the hospital and I told him we would meet him there. As I hung up the phone I could feel the onset of anxiety. What bothered me most was feeling guilty because I was pissed that I had to get up so early to deal with this. I should be more concerned about my son than my precious sleep. I guess after years of these "crises" I am becoming desensitized to them. D began to stir as I pulled my trousers on. "What's going on" she asked. "J is on the way to the hospital with a racing heart and difficulty breathing" I replied. "Should I go" she asked sleepily. I thought that was an odd question and was uncertain how to reply. "Yes" I said pulling on my shirt.

Young Love

Saturday I held my sobbing sixteen year-old son in my arms. B had his heart broken by his first girlfriend whom he loved deeply. I had never expected the relationship to last because they seldom do in high school. But against all odds they stayed together for approximately six months. And they loved each other’s company. They would talk on the phone for hours and laugh and play much to my delight. I am always happy when B enjoys being a child, an opportunity I never got to enjoy. My heart ached as I wrestled with mixed emotions. I am thankful that B and I have the kind of relationship where he can share with me his deep-felt sorrow. I also think it is good that a sixteen year-old will allow himself to cry as he will likely work through the grieving process more quickly. But it was gut wrenching to see him in such a sad state.

Fender bender

Apparently B got into a minor car accident at school today. I don't know all the details as he left me a message but he indicated that he slid on some ice when parking and ran into another student’s car. Everyone is ok. Hopefully there is not much damage to the vehicles.

My mood continues to be “ok” which I guess is better than “foul”. I am still spending way too much time in Clickerville but I am enjoying it less so I hope to make better use of my time soon.