Round one

Yesterday I was officially transferred to the new cadet unit even though my former CO did everything possible to stop it. Yeah! I win round one! I requested and was given the billet of "Training Officer" and I think that for now, I will remain in that supportive position rather than the role of XO.

Last night, I once again spent the evening in Clickerville, but considering that a good portion of that time was taken up watching the debate, I do not feel overly guilty. When I was not watching the debate, I was thinking that I should be doing something else. That is a good sign.

Wednesday’s are my night to cook. This is not something I particularly enjoy, but I know it means a lot to D. Last Wednesday I made Chicken and Broccoli Alfredo. I am not sure what I will make this week.

College bound

B has an opportunity to take a free SAT prep class free through his school. However, he says that he does not have time. The course will interfere with his X-country meets and he will be up later doing homework. I am really torn between demanding that he take the course or letting him make his own decision. First I will call the school to get more details on the course.

I let him make his own decision about quitting basketball years ago but recently he said that I should not have let him quit. If I don't push him academically, will he wish I had later?

Frosty pumpkins

Today, for the first time in months, I am writing this post from inside the coffee shop. The temperature has dipped into the forties and it is more comfortable sitting in the comfy chair by the front window.

While walking A this morning, B told me that the "friend" he was taking to the school dance this weekend was having second thoughts. She was going to hang out with a friend instead of attending the dance. Although B did not seem overly disappointed, I wonder how he really feels. He also asked my advice about another girl that he really likes who is apparently going to the dance with someone else. "She asked me why I was ignoring her" he said. "How would you respond Dad?" I replied "First I would consider my response carefully before I delivered it. Honesty is generally the best policy and I would probably tell her that you were disappointed that she was attending the dance with someone other than you; and that you just needed some space for a bit. If you really like her, remain persistent in your pursuit. High school relationships rarely last."

As Harry Chapin said, “I have never been a pick-em-up kinda guy” so I am not sure how good my advice is. He is a bright kid though so I am sure he will adapt to the situation.

Living life

Saturday
0700 - Winterize pool
0900 - Depart for x-country meet
1000 - Arrive x-country meet
1130 - Depart for in-laws camp
1230 - Arrive at in-laws camp to winterize
1600 - Depart for shopping and errands
1800 - Arrive at restaurant for dinner with family and friends
2100 - Depart for Dairy Queen
2130 - Indulge in large Reeses-Peanut Butter-Cup Blizzard
2200 - Arrive home and pass out

Sunday
0700 – Load up gear for kayaking with D
0800 – Depart for kayaking
0830 – Kayaking
1100 – Return home
1130 – Clean and stow kayaking gear
1230 – Finish winterizing pool
1800 – Depart for service call
2100 – Return home, hang in Clickerville for an hour
2200 – Lights out

Lucky me

D came down the stairs carrying the new wool sweater she purchased at the Seafood Festival. "I will walk A with you this morning" she said reaching for the door. "I think B is coming" I replied with a wince in my voice. "Walking A in the morning is our thing" I mumbled somewhat nervously. I did not want to hurt D's feelings but walking A in the morning has become an important routine for B and me. We talk about work, school, and running and update each other on what’s happening in our lives. It is something we both look forward to. I walked over, smiled at D and hugged her tightly. "I still love you D" I said. "Ok, I will do dishes instead" she replied with no hint of disappointment in her voice; but I could see it in her face. As B, A and I walked down the driveway, I said to him “We should invite Mom sometimes. I think she would like that”. B nodded in approval.

He is such a great kid. I am incredibly fortunate to be his Dad.

My blog

Today I was talking with the baristas at my favorite coffee shop and I mentioned that I updated my blog whilst drinking my coffee. They asked me for the address but I told them that my blog is anonymous. "It is a private blog I share with the world" I said. None of my friends, family or associates has ever seen my blog. And I have never exchanged contact information with any of my readers. It is this cloak of anonymity that allows me to share my innermost thoughts and feelings.

They moved the comfy chairs away from the front window at the coffee shop and replaced them with wooden chairs and tables. I feel like Jack Nicholson in “As Good as it Gets” when he was pissed that people were sitting in his chair at the restaurant where he eats breakfast. I suppose a little bit of OD is not a bad thing. The antithesis is apathy which is a sure sign of depression for me.

More time please...

I'll have one large coffee, a bagel and, oh yeah, 3 extra hours of free time.

When I was back sitting on the couch in Clickerville, I just wanted time to pass. Now that I am living life, time passes too fast. I can feel the stress building with every new commitment. My blood pressure rises and my heart begins to beat erratically. Meditation is one of the best remedies for my anxiety but given my ADD-based need for stimulation it is REALLY hard to sit still for any length of time.

Axons and dentrites

I cannot remember his name... He played Robin Williams' partner in the “Birdcage”. He also played opposite Matthew Broderick in “The Producers”. I spent most of my commuting time this morning trying to remember his name. I know the answer; I just can't retrieve it. This is a game I play to try and rebuild my synapse's responsible for knowledge retrieval.

This morning I helped B with his vocabulary words after we walked the dog. The words were 11th grade level and I only knew about half of them.

I accept my cognitive deficiencies but it still frustrates me when I struggle to learn or recall information. It is pretty amazing for a guy that is an IT consultant.

From now on I am going to learn one new word per day. Now if I could just remember one from B's list :-)

Brrrrrrr...

Last night the temperature dipped into the forties. Further North, some people experienced their first frost. This morning it was a cold ride into town. I need to finish up the hard top for the jeep if I want to continue driving it. I even considered writing this posting from the warmth of the coffee shop but instead opted to take my usual seat outside.

B and I walked A for the first time since she had surgery. It is nice to get back to our old routine. He is pretty stressed out with homework. I need to find something fun for us to do in between wakeboarding and snowboarding.

I am starting to sacrifice family time for work. It pains me to do this but we really need the money. However, I have been taking time off to go to B's x-country meets which helps to balance my time between work and home.

Last night I went to my second drill at the cadet unit. It was uneventful and I helped out where I could. I seem to make the 1st Sgt nervous. I need to spend some time with him so he is more comfortable around me.

When I am this busy I don't seem to have time for depression or concerns about spending too much time in Clickerville. Lately I watch very little TV. D remarked yesterday that she never sees me. I reminded her that I could be sitting at home, depressed, spending all my time in Clickerville. "I need to live life" I said to her. She understands and we agreed to go kayaking this weekend.

I am so incredibly fortunate that D is so tolerant of my needs and habits. I must work more diligently to return the courtesy.

Self-inflicted stress

My quest to rejoin the cadet organization has been once again derailed due to the efforts of my former friend and CO. I had planned to join another unit while I work through the process of starting my own unit, but I was just informed that my request was denied due to a unresolved "legal allegation". I am sure it has something to do with the ridiculous accusations my former CO made concerning the old equipment at my office (which I have since returned) but I don't know for sure. I think it is time to get my lawyer involved. I need to put an end to this absurd personal vendetta that my former CO is engaged in.

I could stop all of this madness by quitting my attempt to start my own unit. But then evil would triumph over good. I don't know that I can stand by and let that happen. On the other hand, we should be careful of what we “win”.

A better day

This morning I am back at my favorite coffee shop feeling a little better (emotionally) than yesterday. I drove B to school in the Celica but went back home to get the Jeep so I could drive it into work. Mornings are getting colder and my days of driving the jeep without the top are numbered.

Recently, I noticed that in my blog, I do not mention D very often other than logistical references. My relationship with D is complicated. We have been through some incredibly difficult times and she stood by me through the darkest hours of my depression while I treated her like shit. We are very different people with dissimilar backgrounds. Yet somehow we make it work. I am glad we discovered a common interest in kayaking because she does not share my interest in other outdoor sports such as snowboarding, wakeboarding, running and biking. I love D with all my heart and soul but I am not as attentive as I should be. This is something I will work on.

Another blah day

Today I am feeling lethargic, even though I had a great weekend! Saturday I fished all day (didn’t catch anything). Sunday was household chores and then we had D's family over for a BBQ. Yesterday, D and I went kayaking in the AM and I helped J work on a car in the PM. I am being generous when I say I "helped" as J disappeared after about 10 minutes leaving me to fix his friends car. Life is good and I have little stress to deal with (knock on wood).

I should be bright and cheery today eager to do battle. Instead I feel like an ungrateful whiner.

Fall in the air

Today I dropped B off for his first day of school. While the piercing screech of the early morning alarm was an unwelcome intruder into my morning dreams, I am pleased to be thrust back into a morning routine. Making breakfast and helping B get ready for school makes me feel like a good Dad.

It was a cold jeep ride today warranting gloves for the first time this year. I wonder how long it shall be before I am forced to write these posts from the warm side of the large window in the front of the coffee shop, hopefully sitting in the comfy chair.

Back from the lake

I am back from vacation part II and I feel rested and ready to do battle. I am diving back into work today and I have even begun to think of expanding my business. I enjoy spending time at the lake and I need to make more money in the winter to enjoy more time off in the summer.

Vaca Part II

Today I am meeting a friend for coffee. He is recently married with a new child and reminds me of myself when I was in my twenties. A few years back I got him out of the trades and into IT support. Unfortunately, he has not progressed any further than help desk support. It will be difficult to support a family on what he makes. I have tried to coach him career-wise over the years, but he is not real motivated.

We leave for vacation part II tomorrow. The boat is done and I am excited to get out wakeboarding

Yesterday I took J to Concord for his DMV hearing. The prosecutor recommended a 3 to 4 years loss of license with an additional two years suspended with good behavior. However, the Hearing Officer deferred his decision and we will not know the results for 10 – 15 days.

Emotionally, I am feeling a little better today. I have not taken any meds but I am excited about heading up to the lake. J is only staying with us Saturday and Sunday so things should be calm from Monday on.

Entrepreneur

Owning your own business has many advantages but one major drawback is no paid vacation. This is the first nice day we have had in a while and instead of a day off I am heading to work so I can make up some hours.

Today I ran a 5k with B. I stayed back with him and we ran a 24:32. I must admit that I had hoped for a better time especially with a 7:15 first mile... However, B did his best and I can live with that.

I continue to be in a foul mood. It is probably best that I go to work. I hope my mood improves over the week so I am feeling better for the second week of our vacation.

Home again

I am back in town sitting outside my favorite coffee shop enjoying my favorite beverage. I should be completely relaxed after six days of vacation but instead I am somewhat stressed. We dropped A off at the vet today for her knee operation. This is her second $3,000 surgery and it pains me to think of what else I could have spent that money on. Absent any other factors (such as my son) I am not sure whether I would have paid for the surgery.

Apparently my application to form a cadet unit has been held up largely because of the efforts of the asshole CO of my former unit. He is doing everything possible to stop the new unit and I am beginning to lose interest. I am will wait till I return from vacation in two weeks before investing any significant effort into this endeavor.

Good Ride

I just completed a 32 mile bike ride around long lake and I am sitting down at the causeway outside the coffee shop enjoying my well-earned latte. I brought my crackberry on this ride in case I broke down in some remote area. The mapping feature came in handy at the top of the lake when I was unsure as to which road to take.

This morning we were out wakeboarding at 0700 and the conditions were perfect. We are all jumping the wake now and it is just too much fun.

J, his girlfriend and girlfriend’s sister left yesterday. I love J dearly but he adds a lot of stress whenever he is around. We tend to disagree over even the simplest issues.

Vacation Part I

I am writing this post sitting on my boat, drinking a beer after a hard day at work pulling the kids around on wakeboards. Everyone had a good day today and we are enjoying the weather after a lot of rain. Camping in tents is less than fun when the thunder-storms are rolling through.

Work has been quiet and I have not heard much about my request to form the cadet unit so I have been able to relax and enjoy my vacation.

Trust

Yesterday B observed J driving his girlfriend’s car. While it is legal for J to drive, it is also stupid and needless. His motor vehicle hearing is next month and he will definitely lose his license for multiple years, possibly seven. His lawyer and I had advised him not to drive out of respect for the family of the deceased and to avoid any traffic violation that might adversely impact his motor vehicle hearing. He had agreed not to drive but apparently his word is still worthless. To make matters worse, he lied to D when she questioned him about it.

He is going up to the lake with us tomorrow and I have to sit on my emotions till we return as I don't want to start my vacation fighting with J.