Pissy Today

Tuesday night sucked.  D was in horrible pain all night and there's not a fucking thing I can do.  The sleepless evening seems to have pushed me into my all-to-typical bitchy-don't-give-a-fuck self.  Perhaps it was the visit with my Dad Sunday that fucked up my holiday spirit.  Or perhaps I've just run out of serotonin. The "why" doesn't really matter though.  I am completely anti-social, and of course, today is the company yankee swap and holiday luncheon that I may just blow off. 

I had to take a company picture a few weeks back and I felt a lot of time-pressure and rushed the shot.  I didn't have flash and shooting 40+ people is completely new to me.  The shot was for the company holiday card.  Yesterday, one of the owners informed me that they were not sending out the card even though they were printed, addressed and mostly signed.  She stated a few reasons but one of them was the off-color of the picture.  She's right.  I saw it and tried to correct but it was a little blue-ish. I couldn't push the kelvin any higher as it was too yellow. The devaluation of my photo stung.

I have so much to learn about photography and one of the single greatest challenges I face is the recognition that not everyone will like my work all the time.  This will of course be balanced against the many people that love my work...  But it's still hard to take.  I'll need a thicker skin if I'm going to shoot people. 

But back to the yankee swap.  I don't believe anybody really cares if I'm there.  It's my own fault though.  I don't pursue friendships with anyone at work.  I'm not really sure why, but I suspect it is tied to this deep-rooted sense that I'm not likable.  It's hard to shake it except with my friends.  Perhaps I'm just lazy in not pursuing friendships.  I've had opportunities, but except in isolated cases, I don't make it a priority.  And, I can be an ass at work.  I've little tolerance for people's ignorance and unwillingness to learn how to use technology.  I don't hide my disdain well.