Get up!

I often feel like most of the passion and zest for life has left my soul and I am just going through the motions of a moderately depressed, but seemingly content person.  I yearn for a life-changing event that will propel me forward with enthusiasm and vigor.  But sadly (or perhaps thankfully) that will probably not  happen.  I will have to pick myself up, wipe away the dust, then muster the strength to move forward.  That is the way it has always been. 

Weekend

This past weekend was a busy one.  Saturday we went down to Boston to watch B's cross country team run.  He was not running, but we still wanted to support the team.  We were able  to talk with him for a few minutes and he seems to be doing well.  Following the meet, D and I drove to Castle Island in South Boston and went for a walk around Pleasure Bay.  Sunday we had friends over for brunch then closed up our pool. I spent a lot of time cleaning  up the garage and yard and I am mightily pleased with the results.

Much to my surprise, my friend, the CO from the Boston cadet unit was elected Regimental CO commanding approximately 15 units.  He had asked me to be his regimental training officer, if he was elected, and I had indicated that I would consider it, never thinking that he would actually win.  Now I need to decide if I really want to take this challenge on.  I  may accept the position on a temporary basis with a one year term.  This way I would  not feel badly about passing the responsibility to someone else in the future.

Under-achiever?

Today I dropped my son of at the state beach for his community service then drove the long way to work; 10 miles north along the coastal route featuring spectacular views of the NH seashore.  Of course I am driving my jeep and enjoying every moment of my momentary escape from reality.

Yesterday I looked through some blog entries from a year ago only to discover that my goals have not changed significantly and I have made little progress on them.  Over the next week or so I will review my goals and identify specific actionable objectives that will move me from thinking about what I want to realizing it.

Spare change?

Many experts say that we are motivated by pain or pleasure.  I believe that in most cases, pain is a better motivator then pleasure.  In my experience it takes immediate, or imminent pain for me to change an unhealthy behavior.  I am facing a cataclysmic storm that threatens to drastically alter my way of life because I have been unwilling to take responsibility for my financial future.  Apparently I am waiting for someone to take control of my future away from me before I would be willing  to get off my fucking ass and deal with the financial mess that I have let build over the years.  I  am better than this...  If my kids future (education) is truly important, I will devote the time and energy required to resolve my financial issues.

Welcome Home?

"Hi Dad, I am on my way home with Mom" B said to me when I answered the phone.  "So what do you have planned for tonight?" I replied.  "Did you get me the new Halo game I skyped you about?" he asked.  "No" I said with a chuckle.  "Then I guess Mom and I will stop and pick it up" he replied.  "So your going to be playing your new game tonight" I asked.  "Yeah" B replied.  "Ok" I said. 

I guess I don't need to rush home tonight...

No Soup for You!

"Why don't  you come back to bed" I said wiping the sleep from my eyes.  "It is too hot" she replied.  WTF...  So now I am unsuccessfully trying to not let a five second exchange ruin my day.  Maybe she didn't understand what I was really saying.  No, she did...  She just wasn't interested.  Whatever...  Coupled with the fact that I have purposely not been..... uhmmmmmm.....  using the self service lane (faith without deeds is dead), I feel especially frustrated. 

B is coming home tonight!  I am very excited to see him.  We have seen him a few times at college, but it will be good to have him back at the house.  He is doing really well and I am so proud of him.

J, on the other hand, got booted out of his one college class because he apparently went to the wrong one.  Same course name, two different rooms and professors.  Oh well, he will figure it out.  He is talking about transferring to the university, but I know he will have to demonstrate his ability to successfully complete some classes at the community college first.

I am glad I was wrong

It was a cold ride into town this morning.  The thermometer displayed 43 degrees when I left in the jeep.  Today I am drinking coffee outside of the chain coffee shop because it faces southeast while the chairs outside my regular java stop remain cold and wet under the shade of the trees and western exposure. 

I have been looking up old friends recently using Facebook and Linked-in and last night I reconnected with a friend I have not seen in 30 years.  We talked for three hours and we really enjoyed the conversation.  He has been with his wife for 30 plus years and I remember now why we drifted apart.  He was my roommate 30 years ago and used to fight with his girlfriend constantly.  And she was a major hitch.  He asked me if I thought he should stay with her and I said no.  Guess I was wrong because he married her and they apparently lived happily ever after.  Oops...  My bad...

Faith

This morning it feels like Fall in the town square.  They are roasting coffee beans at my coffee shop filling the air with the sweet smell of my favorite beverage. 

I am looking up at the beautiful white steeple of the old North Church located directly across the street from the coffee shop.  It stands proudly with its new coat of paint framed by a deep blue sky.  It reminds me of my ongoing struggle with my faith (or lack of) in God.  Lately I have been praying and I do think I am the better for it.