Family gathering

Yesterday we had D's family over to the house. Overall it was a pleasant day. However, during a spirited men vs. women game of Pictionary, D started getting angry over perceived rule infractions. This set me off and I mentally withdrew from the game for a while. I started to contribute again towards the end but only begrudgingly. Am I just being selfish in not masking my feelings or is a legitimate control issue? I don’t know but I should do better as I am sure I made people uncomfortable.

I suspect this new medicine is not going to work for me. I sometimes feel a very slight improvement in my mood, but I think I could do better with something else.

Feeling sore

Yesterday I went snowboarding with B and his girlfriend. The conditions were marginal with a lot of ice but we had a good time. I took some rather hard falls onto the ice and am rather sore today as a result.

Christmas with the family was very pleasant. D liked the poem I wrote for her. I feel less stress now that most of my Christmas responsibilities are fulfilled.

I may be picking up a new client representing a substantial amount of business. Unfortunately they are located down in Mass but I am happy to have the opportunity.

My mood has been ok but I don't often experience what I would call "joy". I am starting to wonder if Melvin Udall was right when he asked “Is this as good as it gets?”.

D's middle name is Grace...

My home is enchanted as all should be

Magic dances about often unseen

I open my bureau that was empty before

But now it is filled with all that I wore

The bed sheets tossed and covers astray

But when I return it’s tidy and made

I head downstairs with breakfast in mind

But I’ll be cleaning the kitchen ‘cause I didn't have time

I step onto the tile and switch on the light

Again I'm surprised and smile in delight

The counters are clean the dishes all wiped

“It’s magic” I say not the least bit affright

Years have gone by and the magic stayed lit

Through times when I didn't deserve such a gift

I took it for granted, never gave it much thought

But the kindness persisted as if it were bought

But now that I see the fortunate I've known

I must honor the giver with all of my soul

I’ll always give thanks bent on one knee

It was Amazing Grace that took care of me

Let it snow

We have received about two feet of snow over the past week. I now have a snow-blower but miss my plow. Plowing takes minutes while snow-blowing takes hours. I need to get the transmission back into the jeep.

A has a real hard time when we get a lot of snow. The salt gets stuck in her paws and she has to struggle thru the snow to relieve herself.

No power

Thursday night we lost power and we did not get it back until Saturday night. Interestingly, B, D and I played a board game which we have not done in a very long time.

We had been told that we could be without power for up to a week. Saturday D and I began a frantic search for a generator along with 100,000 other people desperate for heat to keep their pipes from freezing. My nephew works at Home Depot and he was able to get us a really nice generator. I spent the rest of the day running around trying to find the parts to make the cable that would tie the generator into the house and after visiting seven hardware stores I had everything I needed to power up our house. As I pulled into our neighborhood I noticed some people had power back. Turning onto our street the brightly lit houses signaled the return of electricity to our area. I was happy to have power back but a bit disappointed that I could not complete the generator mission.

New Biz

Today I am in a relatively good mood. However I have come to the conclusion that I am hopelessly bored spending so much time with one client and I have to find some new business opportunities.

Day three

Today is the third day on meds and I feel pretty good. The side effects have been fairly minimal including feeling tired, slight gastrointestinal issues and some mild anxiety. I would be surprised if my mood was affected by the medicine yet, but the doc said I might feel some effect after a few days.

Are we happy yet?

Today is day II of the Lexperiment. Often, when I go back on meds, my mood improves before the meds have had time to work. That is the case this time around. Let’s hope that the side effects are minimal.

The winnner is....

Lexapro! The most commonly observed adverse events in Lexapro patients (incidence of approximately 5% or greater and approximately twice the incidence in placebo patients) were insomnia, ejaculation disorder (primarily ejaculatory delay), nausea, sweating increased, fatigue, and somnolence

I just took one five minutes ago... I don't feel better yet.

Wind chill

This morning when B and I left to walk A, the thermometer displayed a temperature of 19 fahrenheit and the wind was blowing at approximately 20 miles per hour creating an apparent temperature of 4 degrees fahrenheit. It was cold…

I had a good weekend with chores on Saturday and airsoft milsim yesterday. I took one shot to the face so I have a nice wound on my left cheek.

Today I go see the good doctor to get some happy pills. Grrrrrr.... I hate meds…

Liar, liar

Earlier this week, J and I were discussing repayment of the money that he had stolen from us. I was also pressuring him about my suspicion that he had stolen money from our friends. “The true measure of one’s character is not in the mistakes he makes, but his willingness to take responsibility for them” I said. We sat in silence for a while until he said “I will pay all the money back from my next check”. Noticing an odd inflection in his use of the word “all”, I said “including the money you took from my friends?”. He paused, took a deep breath and said “yes”.

So I should be thrilled right? He took responsibility for his actions. It is like he just hit a home run in little league isn’t it. The cold harsh truth is that he just admitted to fucking over my friends. Friends that had taken him into their house, fed him, taken him on snowmobile trips and done many great things for him.

So how do I feel about this? I am satisfied that he confessed. However, even though I have become somewhat desensitized to J’s outlandish behavior, I am embarrassed and ashamed. I never expected this from my son. I don’t steal. Period... I never have and never will. I taught my kids the same values I believe in and adhere to. It is like I have an alien for a son.

Med-free time coming to an end?

Last night I warned J that he may have to look for another place to live if he did not change his ways. I went on to tell him that based on his recent behavior, I now believe that he stole the money from my friends neighbors and that our relationship would never be the same if he does not take responsibility for his actions.

I will be calling the doc today to discuss antidepressant options. I wish there was another way but I just don't see one at this point.