Fathers Day

It is Sunday morning at 8:00 and I am lounging in bed in anticipation of a home cooked breakfast courtesy of my boys.  I can smell pancakes and hear the rustling of pans downstairs.  Later I plan to travel down to Mass to visit with my Dad although I have no interest in doing so; I do it more out of a sense of a son's obligation.

I will arrive and we will perform the expected hug and backslap ritual but I will feel nothing emotionally.  We will chat about his boat and the trips he is planning this year but I could care less. I will just want to be on my way back home.

Where's the fish?

Last night I went fishing with J.  As usual, we returned fishless, but I enjoy spending time with my boy.  I have to chill a bit more when I am with him. I tend to be a bit too intense.

Lead, follow or get out of the way

I have been spending more time with the cadet group lately.  I am limiting my involvement to planning a couple of events a year, but it is very hard for me to sit on the sidelines when I know I can help with other efforts as well.  It is also really difficult for me to keep my mouth shut when I see the staff making questionable decisions.  But, I am learning how to be a good follower, not a role I am accustomed to.

Technogadgets

Yesterday I got the new Droid Evo from Sprint.  It is a sweet phone, but quite a change from my Blackberry Pearl.  I am much happier now that I have this new trinket; after all, it is "things" that bring us joy, right?

My son

My son graduates from high school next week.  I can hardly believe that he will be leaving us soon.  He is such a great kid and I am incredibly proud of him.  I can remember walking him up to the bus stop every morning.  Some times we would play kick ball while we waited for the bus.  Other times we would just talk.  We have not walked A in a while.  He is not a big fan of getting up early when he doesn't have to.  Hopefully we can get out for some bike rides over the next few months.

3 days "off"

This past weekend was a physical one with three straight days of backbreaking, manual labor.  Saturday I worked on yard chores, Sunday I opened my in-laws camp, and Monday I put in a 20 x 60 vegetable garden at our house.  The garden was a tremendous amount of work but I am looking forward to homegrown tomatoes, cukes and squash. 

Shallow Dirk?

I sit here, staring blankly out the window of the coffee shop, trying to think of something to write.  Unfortunately, my life has become so routine that nothing all that exciting happens to me.  My big thrill is sneaking glances at whatever attractive young lady enters my periphery.  I think this is the point in life at which many men move from looking, to flirting, to fucking.  I can clearly see how we are setup for this tragedy by a media that uses sex appeal to sell everything from breath mints to kitchen utensils; the increasingly revealing nature of woman's clothing and man's primal instinct to sow his seed.  Oh, and did I mention our huge friggin ego's that need to feel like we are still able to "get the girl". Thankfully, I am incredibly fortunate in that  I recognize the temporal  nature of any affair is vastly outweighed by the everlasting damage it will do to me and my family. But damn, that is one nice ass...

Living the life

Apparently, someone in the neighborhood decided to get chickens and was unaware that most chickens no longer require a rooster.  Unfortunately their cantankerous cock must be from a different time zone as this morning he started crowing incessantly at 3:00 . I was unable to get back to sleep until I finally put in some ear plugs.

This weekend I cleaned the gutters, visited with my wife's sister and moronic, bigoted, homophobic, redneck husband, went fishing with J and cleaned my tool bench.  I seemed to have evolved into this somewhat responsible, moderately happy, reasonably productive member of society.  I live a satisfying life and have avoided any major bouts of depression in recent years.  My family is well, work is acceptable and I spend a fair amount of time helping others to find their way to a similar existence.  I guess I should be grateful for all this bliss... right?

Youthful indiscretions

Today I am sitting in a different coffee shop then my usual.  The java is excellent and they make an awesome egg wrap.  Steely Dan is playing softly in the background causing my mind is wander back thirty years ago to the back seat of a 66 Chevy Caprice on which I was passionately undressing my girlfriend of the time, Sharon.  I was rather inexperienced with girls at the time, which made it that much more exciting as we fumbled with buttons and struggled with zippers, flailing about the back seat with all the passion you would expect of two teenagers.  It was mid-winter and the windows were all fogged up as a result of our heated entanglement.  We were getting close to the end game when suddenly there was a tap, tap, tap on the side window.  Our clothing was scattered all over the car and as we scrambled to get dressed a booming voice said, "Open the door NOW!".  Tentatively I grasped the handle pulling it up and I pushed open the door just a crack.  I could barely make out the blue uniform of a police officer standing there with a large flashlight in his hand shining brightly in my face.  "Yes sir..." I said in a faint voice.  "Get your clothes on and exit the vehicle" he replied.  Once we were outside he checked our ID's and lectured us on the virtues of sex before marriage.  Yeah... I listened real well.  Right up until we found a better place to park.

Rewire the brain

It is a strikingly beautiful day in the town square this morning.  I am sitting in one of the new comfy chairs at the newly remodeled coffee shop enjoying a tasty mocha latte.  Life is good at this moment...

The other day someone asked me "what is your passion" and surprisingly, I did not have a good answer.  The question was posed when I was at the adolescent home cutting down trees and cleaning up the property with sixty or so volunteers.  If someone had asked me that question elsewhere, I would have immediately replied "I enjoy working with the kids at the adolescent home".  It was a staff member that asked me the question so I can only speculate that I was somehow uncomfortable saying something akin to "my passion is doing your job".  

But that event has caused me to think deeply about my interests and motivations.  I spend most of my free time trying to help others in some way, but now I wonder why I do that.  Saturday morning I had coffee with a young man that I have been mentoring and invited him over to have brunch with our family on Sunday.  He and his two young daughters (ages one and three) joined us but his wife had to work.  As the morning progressed I began to see that I really am not a social creature, as much as I would like to be.  At times I felt awkward and uncomfortable, unable to see the purpose in general conversation.  I am much more comfortable in the role of the 'father figure", not a friend.  More then likely I have some synapses mis-wired that cause this malfunction.  Perhaps I can rewire them...  Anyone have a spare soldering iron?