Life is good

Yesterday I read an article that praised the muscle building benefits of milk. Now I can enjoy my triple-venti-no whipped- mocha without feeling like a pussy.

Life is real good right now. I am making headway on my goals and all is calm at home. This weekend is the first weekend where I have two complete obligation-free days. I plan to spend some time with J rebuilding the hardtop for my jeep.

B has suddenly become much more enthusiastic about the cadet group. He passed his Corporal test and should receive his promotion within the next 30 days or so. I am thrilled and suggested that he take over the Color Guard unit and he agreed.

Improving one's life is much like creating a sculpture. You start with this odd meaningless shape, envision the beauty within, then slowly and purposely chip away until it's final form is revealed.

Cold Morning

This morning when B and I took Amber for a walk, the thermometer displayed 8 degrees. It was a cold walk. I was a bit sore largely due to running four miles last night with B. I just don't recover like I used to.

The run was great. B really pushed me. For the first time I really struggled to keep up with him. He is developing more confidence in himself and his stride has improved immensely.

Tonight we head down to the USS Salem with the cadets. I am looking forward to spending some time with the unit. We have most of the time scheduled for training but we should have some time to explore the ship.

Appreciation

How quickly we begin to lose appreciation for the little things that used to delight us. For a time, I was visiting the little coffee shop in the town square on an almost daily basis. When I arrived at the intersection at which I chose to go directly to work or stop for a morning coffee, I did not hesitate to drive straight thru the light delaying my workday for a while. Now I have reduced the visits to my favorite bistro but have developed a much greater appreciation for the time spent there.

I have also come to the realization that I must find more time to update my blog. I am often tempted to do so while at my client's site(s) but view this as taking advantage of their ignorance of what I do for them. In the morning I am occupied with making breakfast for the kids and walking the dog. At night I generally don't have the motivation to leave Clickerville nevermind to do something requiring thought.

I am doing fairly well on the life goals I previously listed on this blog. I am in the midst of refinancing my house and I hopeful I will secure an approval. Quickbooks is up and running and I mailed a care pack to my nephew in Iraq. I need to revisit my goals though and include something relative to physical fitness.

Yesterday we met with the lawyer defending our son and he informed us of a recent development that will likely play in our favor. The prosecutor has initiated a dialogue regarding the possibility of a plea bargain. Our lawyer declined saying that our case was strong. This is the first good news we have received since this nightmare began and I am hopeful that we can negotiate a reasonable agreement that will be agreeable to all.

Time Away

I finally made it to my favorite coffee shop. At this moment I am sitting in the comfy chair right by the front window, basking in the morning sun. I have been really busy with work and have refined my brewing skills to a point where my homemade lattes are actually palatable.

I had grand plans this morning to blog away until I met Adam. Adam was waiting for the bus to take him to his job at Wal-Mart, where he makes $10.70 an hour pushing carriages and stocking shelves. He lives in Durham and attends church there. Adam is very happy as he just got a big raise. He is highly knowledgeable regarding most spectator sports and can quote stats like a professional sportscaster. He also has a really good grasp of the weather forecast and recommends channel 9 for the latest weather information.

When I talk to Adam I realize how incredibly fortunate I am. However, Adam has most likely realized his full potential while I have not. My memory is not as good as Adam's, but in all likelihood I have more resources available to me; but many remain unused.

I need to revisit my list of priorities and do better at realizing my potential.

Blah Day

Today is cold, windy and a bit raw with a light freezing rain coating everything in a layer of ice. The weather is congruent with my mood which is a bit dark. I almost did not stop by the coffee shop this morning in attempt to control my waist line and spending. My decision always occurs at a traffic light at which I must turn right towards my client’s office or proceed straight to the town square where the coffee shop is located. It was a difficult decision today but I decided to indulge because I have not done so for 3 days. I passed up my usual egg sandwich and purchased a wholesome bran muffin from a local bakery. I also changed my usual drink to a "triple venti no-fat no whipped mocha".

This year’s holiday gatherings were relatively uneventful though I was less anxious than usual. All this "family-stuff" completely drains me though. I have a lot on my mind and I often grow uneasy when the conversation pauses.

I spent more time than usual purchasing gifts that would most surprise D and as a result she was quite delighted Christmas morning. Most of our purchases for the kids were utilitarian in nature and not particularly rewarding for the giver or giftee. Don't get me wrong, Christmas morning was thoroughly enjoyable with a few pleasant surprises. But it lacked that one "special" gift that one so enjoys giving.

Have a Cause

There is something mildly amusing about a group of people waving around signs protesting global warming while knee-deep in snow before winter has officially started. Don't get me wrong; I am not saying that global warming is not an issue. I am not an expert so I do not know.

There is a gentleman that comes into the coffee shop most days and occupies the best seat available. I believe he is waiting for the bus. But, he does not purchase anything. This should not bother me. It is not my problem. But it irritates me. I have more than enough problems to worry about. I have to let some things go.

An older gentleman shuffled into the coffee shop today pushing a wheeled-walker. He purchased a coffee and sat down in the chair next to me. He asked me “Do you live in the area?” “No” I replied “I live about 15 miles away”. We talked for a few minutes about the weather and how his senior citizens apartment building was becoming a haven for unwed mothers and drug dealers. He told me about his experience as a Marine in World War II. I am always amazed at the sacrifices my Grandfathers generation made so that I could sit in my coffee shop drinking Latte’s comfortable in the freedoms we all take for granted.

Slow But Steady

It is snowing again and apparently we can expect 3 to 5 inches of the white stuff. Sitting in the comfy chair at my favorite coffee shop, I am running later than usual as I had to drop D off at work. J is out driving around in the snow storm, apparently Christmas shopping. He really makes me anxious as he has this sense of invulnerability and constantly places himself in risky situations.

Last night we had a holiday party at drill which I enjoyed immensely. I have resolved most of my issues with the CO and my Adjutant and have resumed my responsibilities as XO. I have decided to stay with the program and will no longer threaten to leave unless something completely unacceptable occurs and I see no alternative to resigning.

A Little Progress

I woke up this morning with a moderate sense of enthusiasm. It was a cold morning with the sun hiding behind the overcast sky. B and I took the dog for a walk then I made him and J breakfast. My back is feeling much better and I am in a fairly good mood.

I actually feel some sense of relief in creating a list of all the things that are stressing me out. On my way home, I thought about that list, especially the "too much TV" item. Yesterday night I picked up a couple of Christmas gifts and did some plowing around my house before heading to Clickerville. Additionally, I spoke to my brother and now have his cell number. I also made some headway in resolving some of the issues relative to the youth group. I am pleased that I made a minor dent in my todo list. Not bad for a day that started with debilitating back pain.

This morning J asked me "Dad, did you bill the client for the job we did recently?" I replied "Yes I did.” I went on to ask him "Have you thought about putting some of that money towards what you owe us?" "No I have not" he answered. "How much do you want?" he asked. I replied "I want you to tell me what is fair." I think he should give us all the money as the debt is due to his use of the credit card he took from us. However, I don't want him to feel like he is working for nothing, so fifty percent is reasonable in my opinion.

Update

As if I don't have enough on my plate, today as I entered the office I threw my back out and ended up laying on the floor of my office in excruciating pain waiting of the spasms to subside. I have never experienced back pain like this before. I finally was able to get up and I am functioning now but the pain is still lingering. This is rather ironic for a person that lifts fairly heavy weights 3 to 5 times a week.

Hangin in There

Yesterday, I spent 14 hours wasting away in Clickerville. I am feeling overwhelmed with all the responsibilities and stress I am trying to manage. If I were talking with someone else experiencing similar issues I would tell them to suck it up and get on with it. However, I am not very good at taking my own advice. The catalyst for staying home was the lack of a vehicle as my truck was in for repair and there is no way I am driving the jeep 12 miles when the temperature is in the "teens". I could have worked from home but instead chose to waste the day watching countless movies. My therapist would likely say that I just needed a break. I say that I am lazy and selfish, neither of which I am proud of. I must do better...

Following is a list of items at the root of my anxiety that I need to address:

Rebuild relationship with oldest son J
Learn song to give D for Christmas
Check in on brother S
Gift pack for nephew in Iraq
Stop wasting time on TV
Put money on S's phone card
Resolve youth group issues or move on
Find $7,500 to pay lawyer
Read more
Write more
Play guitar more
Christmas shopping
Refinance house
Unpaid taxes
Finish stairs
Rebuild jeep top

The most effective thing that I can do is to reduce or eliminate time in front of the TV. I shall make this one of my highest priorities.